More importantly, let’s talk about a lack of Confidence & Assertiveness and why it becomes an issue for so many people.
Think of yourself as a painter! We all start out in life with a completely blank canvas, and as we grow, develop and mature, we add life’s experiences and challenges to the picture. By the time we are out of our infant, forming years and rushing head–on into our teens, our thought process alter, we find our sense of priorities. Our bodies start to change, our emotions are aroused and we begin to firmly form the boundaries that we build around ourselves and that for most people will stay with them for many years into their adult lives.
These boundaries dictate the level at which we feel comfortable in the many aspects of our daily life. We call anything that’s inside this boundary our ‘Safety Zone’, or our ‘Comfort Zone’. Anything that’s on the outside of the boundary we refer to as our ‘Combat Zone’.
Some people choose to live their lives fully inside their comfort zone. They take few risks, put down early, permanent roots, and have a ‘don’t rock the boat’ attitude. And to be fair, there’s nothing wrong with being that type of person. In fact, you will find that people like that rarely suffer from the afflictions of psychological symptoms such as depression or anxiety states.
At the other end of the scale, there are those people for whom life is a great challenge to be met head on. They are life’s risk takers and gamblers. They crave excitement, are ambitions and competitive. They love a challenge, thrive on the adrenalin rush, and will tackle anything life has to throw at them.
These character types will often become the sporting types, executives, management, entrepreneurs. But because their expectations are high, so too is their disappointment should a failure present itself. These people can quite easily succumb to confidence issues because of the overpowering need to succeed.
When we have issues of confidence, we feel depleted, tired, frustrated and our self–worth can nose–dive through the floor. We become irritable, angry and can lash out at those who care the most for us without realising or meaning to.
It’s a road to self–destruction with no signposts and no map and the harder we thing we are trying to recover, the worse it seems to get.
It was Emile Coue’ the French pharmacist (1857 to 1926) who popularised the saying; “Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better”. Coue’ championed the notion that when the conscious Will comes into direct conflict with the Imagination, then the Imagination will always win,. . . every time.
We experience this law in the simple example of trying to get off to sleep in a room where a tap is dripping. We decide not to listen to the dripping sound, and yet the more we try and ignore it, the louder it seems to get!
If you take that scenario and apply it to the doubt that is induced when something you attempt doesn’t go as you planned, then the doubt that you can overcome an obstacle, can fan the flames on the doubt itself and you trigger a vicious circle of attacking and depleting your reservoir of confidence and assertiveness.
In my workshops and seminars, I describe confidence as; “the by–product of the habit of success”. Simply put; the more times we do something right, the more confident we become about being able to do it right a second, third, fourth or fifth time.
The first thing that we do for confidence and assertiveness problems is start by slamming on the brakes! We get that person off the slippery slide into the abyss and change the way they perceive their ability to perform. We strengthen the ego and re–build the level of confidence back to where it should be.
For this we employ suggestion therapy and the whole process is usually accomplished in no more than two sessions.
Please call for an free initial consultation to discuss anything to do with confidense and Assertiveness.